Turning 30…. 6 months in to being a “grown up”

So in October last 2015 I turned 30.
All I thought was ‘Blimey this means I’m an actual adult’.
My friends took me for dinner then we had a few drinks in the local. It was ruined slightly by a local drunk that insisted that ‘being 51 was far worse‘ and she wished she could have her time again…. this is all she went on about and took the focus away from me… Which in itself sounds selfish on my part….. however IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

So life continued as normal. Christmas came and went.

Bearing in mind I’d been clinically depressed for the last 10 years. (You can check that story in previous posts). Then all of a sudden wham I wake up one day “healed” and in such a good mood it was surreal.

I don’t know what happened but life started clicking into place. I felt like a woman not a girl. I felt I had my shit together. I knew how to budget, how to fill my fridge up and stop living like an student. I enjoyed the finer things in life like my coffee machine and my kindle.
I was just happy. For no reason.

I’d had some kind of epiphany in my sleep and, all of a sudden, I was a grown up.

Something my dad said to me when I was 14. “Enjoy being young and living at home, you’ll wake up 30 and having to pay bills”. He wasn’t wrong.
It felt like I left school last week. I remember putting my school tie on the fence and burning it. Saying goodbye and good luck to all my school friends.

What have I achieved in 15 years?! I feel I’ve achieved nothing yet I have so many strings to my bow, I don’t even know what career to take. I’ve had a broken heart, I’ve been to Australia,  Malta, moved to Wiltshire,  returned to Devon.
I’ve got a degree, well half but that’s another story. I’m a beautician, a nurse and have ran a pub.
I’ve been so drunk I couldn’t spell my own name, I’ve had crap cars, brilliant road trips and made some life long friends.
My world has completely changed. I have a chronic illness. Which I hide as much as I can.

3 months ago I was totally happy with being on my own, just the cats and I.
I smile every day. Do things I enjoy, things that make me happy without worrying what someone else thinks of it.

You only get one life, it could get cut short at any point. Live it, laugh and enjoy every moment. Even if that means spending the day in bed with a good book, film, the cats and and coffee.

I wasn’t really expecting anyone wanting to put up with my constant sarcasm, unpredictable illness and my pure lack of being sociable. I work in an pub, I don’t need to go out on the piss every weekend.
Then boom a man comes in to my life.

I’ve grown up, I don’t do the one night stands, I don’t want to be someone’s 2nd choice. I’m a woman and I want love, respect and fun.

I think I’ve found that.

So turning 30 has changed me. I’ve let go of all the hate, anguish and shittiness of being in my 20’s.

I feel liberated, and think my 30’s are going to be the best yet.
I wake up happy every day. (That may have something to do with the 24 year old I wake up next to 😉)

Life at 30 is great. You grow up, leave the past in the past and live your life.

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Horrible nasty yukky stuff you won’t want to understand.

Please read this amazing article on #fibromyalgia & #chronicpain, #cfs.

paulapavlovaluva

I have a migraine.

Oh god, I hear you say, not another moaning blog from someone about their pain.

I have written, re written, rewritten, deleted, and rewritten this sentence over and over again. I’m trying to be very ‘pc’ about pain. But the truth of the matter is, Chronic Pain isn’t ‘pc’. It doesn’t go away. It isn’t ‘in our heads’ (except for when the pain is actually in the head) and when you think we are moaning, we are actually just trying to verbalise in some way how debilitated we feel about our own body acting like it’s at war with us.

Lets see how your empathy levels are today

Today I woke up with a migraine on the left side of my head. My left temple was throbbing. My left jaw was misaligned. The pain ran behind my eyes, across my cheek bone, into my teeth on…

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A little bit of sunshine makes everything better!

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Thought I would share some sunshine. That little bit of vitamin D helps so much with pain and depression. Try and get a little.

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Story Time!

Anna's Actuality

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“So, what’s your story…? Who are you? Tell me about yourself.”

Take a couple of seconds to have a think about the first things you’d choose to tell me if I was standing right in front of you asking you these fairly benign “happy hour” type questions. What gem of information about yourself would you offer up as the first and, perhaps most, important and defining characteristic about you?

I ask this question a lot and am always amused to see that most of us are conditioned to define and label ourselves by our current role in life or our employment status. People tell me what they do for a living, perhaps also whether they are married or have children…These are the stories we choose to share about ourselves and they become the stories we use to judge our own self-worth and self-identification. These stories are powerful, but they only…

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Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Awareness Day 2014

Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Awareness Day 2014

This is just a little picture to signify Fibro & chronic pain awareness day. Not many people are aware of fibro. That includes doctors. The more awareness we can get out there, the better. Okay there is no cure, just management. But lets share the word. Wear purple, and get noticed

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Days 21 & 22 (REDO!): Free Boobin’!

Healthy Hijinks

There is nothing harder than getting back on track. Especially when you are exhausted, and feeling more than a little down on yourself.   I decided to let myself get a little more sleep and just walk to work.  It’s officially springtime in NYC and morning walks should lift the spirit.  A little bit of sunshine, a little bit of well.. not so fresh, fresh air but better than that of the gym or the confines of the office.  I was feeling so unhappy with my body that I contemplated doing a juice cleanse but decided instead to just go no booze and vegan (+ egg whites) for the work week or at least until Friday when I have a co-worker’s birthday lunch at an irresistibly delicious bbq joint.

The day was, well, BRUTAL.  I did not want to be at work, I was still exhausted, and two of my projects were…

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A massive insight to my depression, chronic pain & how Fibro effects me.

A massive insight to my depression, chronic pain & how Fibro effects me..

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